2019年6月29日星期六

阿瓜老师 Cikgu AhGua

这件事情闹到沸沸扬扬
才发现在网络的背后大家都是披上黑色外套的审判官,你一句我一句,理直气壮的掀起骂战。
讲真。或许我们那个年代也有这样的老师,学生和父母。并且也很有可能会有这样的案例发生。然而最大差别在于,我们不会随意放上网把事情闹大。
大家都有错,真的都有错。
老师错在,情绪管理不好。
学生错在,没有尊敬师长。
父母错在,过于维护儿女。

事情的来去很可能是,孩子被打后没告诉父母真相的来龙去脉。然而妈妈看到伤痕必定心里难受,就想帮孩子讨回一个公道。后来才发现原来是自己的孩子无理在先,但影片却已经开录到一半,不能就此打住,心里看到孩子伤痕的愤怒当下也还没有消,所以脑神经断了认为老师不该下手那么重。结果那么影片好像也没有一个了断对吗?我没有看完 哈哈哈。

但讨公道的过程,她不该录影并上载到网络。这网络世界,一旦是值得被翻炒的事件,人民必定不留情面给你下载下来再帮你到处传播。你一辈子都休想在这网络世界消失,案底都没有那么恐怖因为只有政府人员会知道。但网络。一个你的名字搜寻,你他妈说过的做过的写过的,会被无限倍放大。看在未来有什么容身之处。

之后还发现,当事人的成绩更是被翻了出来。
我是觉得,没有必要把成绩单也掀出来吧。
你看,
如果成绩不好,大家会说,成绩不好就算了 人品还那么差,垃圾。
如果成绩好,大家会说,成绩好又怎样,人品输得彻底,失败。
所以,挖人家的成绩的意义在哪里。就为了可以补多两脚踩踩。

所以…这就是为什么很多人都坚持的理念说:成绩 或 能力 差人一些真的没关系,重要的是,你待人处事的方式,才会是你成功的关键。

2019年4月26日星期五

Surprise after failure






I just joined I Got Talent 2019 held by ISS MMU Malacca. Well this story began from the Aureum Musicae 3.0 by MMUSIC Club. I was one of the performers and after the event finished, there's a committee came up to me and invited me to participate I Got Talent 2019 (he is the director of igottalent2019). Yeap, that's how I get involved in it. I still felt very glad and lucky to be spotted out of so many performers.

There're 11 groups of participants have been choose to their I Got Talent 2019 final round. I still remember they provide 2 ways for their audition which is face to face and video submission. Yes of course I chose video submission, coz I know myself well that I might make mistake during face to face audition **I just can't control my nervous. And I submit my video at the last minute, very - last - minute. Actually this thing almost slipped my mind, then I cincai choose one of my cover video and send it to the committee. I'm surprised I have been chosen to the final round as well lol.

Well, things didn't go as I expected. I forgot my lyrics and I loss my tempo during my performance for Igottalent2019. I wanna kill myself so much at that moment. ***Oh yeah, I'm the first performer tho . I hate to be the first to perform coz people tend to forget the first one unless you are good enough to make people remember you and I know where my level was that night. But people there were so kind, they knew you made small mistakes there but still encourage and praise my performance. I can feel their kindness tho. Thanks to those committees although I don't really know you, but you warmed my heart.

The day after that night, I received a  friend request from my lecturer and he was one of the judges of igottalent2019 as well. Okay , then he texted my right after I accepted the request. 

HE INVITED ME TO AN EVENT FOR PERFORMANCE

Yea. I can't hide my excited. I feel proud sial even I lose in the competition but still kena recognize by judge. After that day I met him up for further discussion for the event. He asked my to perform again my acoustic version of Billie Jean which I did for igottalent2019, and he'll be my bassist. 

Sometimes, one decision could lead to many unexpected outcomes.
I appreciate every single decision I made in life and every opportunity I can get. 

BTW, he said I look familiar and I said Yes coz I'm his ex student. 
***And I kena him scolded before in the class coz I sat at the last row and made a lot noise. Sorry Sir and thanks god you didn't recall this part of memory. 

2019年4月17日星期三

2019 April -实习日开始


我该说这是充实 还是 太过忙碌呢
这个第四个月的第一天,愚人节快乐。是我的实习日第一天,我们实习生看起来像笑话吗?
好吧,来说说这个实习公司的小缘份。我从12月就在很努力的发履历表,(好啦其实没有很努力就发了那几家),我自认不差但为什么没人要哈哈哈哈 当你有点绝望的时候 世界总会对我温柔一些。让我找到了一间financial consultant 职位的实习,我很满意是因为至少我知道这个位子我绝对不会只是去打杂的。就算每个月给的allowance不低 但我还真的不愿意死坐在办公室内一整天。但是她却require 我的第一个月实习需要到Muar 待上1个月进行training,住宿提供了。
不知道怎么说,当我真的快要确认了的当儿,又来了个电话。大约分析了两个公司,其实工作大纲是一样的,就在于我怎么选择而已。最后的最后,让我选择后者的主要原因是,因为她认真对我,所以我也认真对待。第一家几乎是电话interview 10 分钟 就马上要人,感觉就是“总之是人就来,我们就是需要人”。我要的是,你看到我的价值,而选择我。不是因为你缺人而拿下我。
所以现在的Supervisor 叫 Jane. 人真的 很好。第一个打动我的是,她并没有把我当实习生来看待与使用,她把她会的都传达出来,耐心指导,哪怕以后我没有在这公司继续做,她也还真的毫不吝啬自己的知识和经验。所以我也没有打算以实习生的头衔来得过且过这三个月。

这个工作,很好,好到我朋友都在怀疑我到底是在放假还是实习。我只有星期一早上一个小时和星期三晚上两小时需要到公司一趟开个小会,之后就是回去做我的weekly report 和meeting report。之后就等待supervisor 约我们见面讲解我们该懂的东西。有时就来Puchong一趟上课,学习产品知识,学习怎样分析财务管理过程。
所以比起其他的工作,我很幸运,因为我不需要早起。我真的没办法早起。感谢哈哈哈哈
现在进入第三个礼拜,真的很快,12个星期的实习真的要结束了。已经答应自己 一定要在这段时间好好学习。

如果之后谁有要实习的,或者当part time job 可以来找我,我介绍你过来。让你有个时间自由的工作。 :)


2018年6月17日星期日


我好像很常在感嘆時間過得有多快,卻似乎忘了要把握當下。你看半年又過去了,我他媽剩下1年多的大學生活,我立誓下個學期要做多點活動,不讓自己空閑下來。絕對不要讓自己覺得自己的時間浪費在 “只呼吸”或是“只活著”。

今年又是另個好年唄,雖然遇到的人事物真的有時候很渣。但是 沒有他們,怎麽會更懂得防備呢?有好有壞吧,看帶著什麽心看待。

生氣, 悲憤,執著,難過 和 釋懷 // 很多時候真的只是一線之差,只要,跨過去就好了。真的,勇敢一點點。沒有過不去的事情,只有過不去的心情。在難過的時候,你可以放聲大哭,你當然可以宣泄情緒。但淚幹後,想想,這個人事物還值得我去掉眼淚嗎?你努力過了嗎 你盡力了嗎?如果答案是 “是的”,那就放手吧。我知道放手比緊握還難。緊握的時候,你還可以很踏實的感覺到當下的生活是為了什麽事情在奮鬥,放手後你或許感到一無所有。但 你若不放手,怎樣看見彩虹?

其實這世界沒有什麽好看不開的。啊不就是你看我好 我看你好而已。

我也為那些一直為了要掩飾自己生活上的脆弱而裝得自己過得比別人好 的人感到悲哀。裝扮自己穿的一身華麗,用好的,吃好的,真實生活卻是活生生的孤獨,那才是真正的貧窮。因為他一無所有。

半年了,2018年還是一樣寫不慣。

會繼續努力,我的目標很簡單。存款要噠5位數而已 拜托 哈哈哈哈。


2018年5月23日星期三

现在的小孩。


最近在我的微信不知道为什么多了现代小孩账号,可能是之前当临教和补习的时候必须性的加吧*可能*
我算是很少关注朋友圈的人类了,因为太多微商朋友,又不好意思删掉,虽然有些已经hide moment 了哈哈哈哈哈 妈的对不起可是真的很烦。 重点不是微商,好,重点是,我明明已经很少看朋友圈但还是能看到某一个小屁孩,估计刚上中学乳臭未干的屁孩吧。上传一些聊天记录的截图,内容就是 “我要上你朋友圈”//“ok 我也是要”。 再来就是写一些长长的信息里重复有重复的内容,至为了让对方感觉被珍惜因为愿意花时间去写那封废文?

不知道是幼稚还是观念啊
要在对方的朋友圈出来遛遛的意义是什么?刷存在感,还是占有权。或是认为每日一曝光文就是爱的证明 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
长长的信息内容完全找不到一句是营养的 可能除了 我爱你 其他的都是来充数的吧。小孩子是不是都认为 我花时间打文就等于我有多少心思在你身上,就代表我的情意多深。

感谢时间让我成长没有这种想法。

我宁可要短而有营养有内容的信息,也不愿花时间去读为了充字数的感情文。

----------

话说,今天我的电话当机,开机之后我微信的聊天记录全没了。我感觉到心脏静止了0.5 秒。我置顶的,都没了。

你说,

心能不疼吗。


2017年12月31日星期日

2017 最后一章


今年总结词是 :成长。

时间飞逝,记得才为2016年的成就感到自豪的夜晚转眼就隔了一年。这一年发生的事真的很多太多非常多。还没来得及结束一件事情,另一件就跟着跳了出来,真的很让我措手不及。当然还是有很多值得我去感恩的事情。
成长啊。今年成长飞速啊啊啊。不是我要学着去成长,而是被逼着长大。觉得自己老了好多年,内心年龄应该35岁了吧我的天啊哈哈哈哈。

帮助过我的人,谢谢你,或许只是一句小温侯但已足够暖心。
爱我信我的人,谢谢你,让我更加知道更加肯定自己的价值。
离开了我的人,谢谢你,我会懂得更爱自己祝你也快乐幸福。
我伤害过的人,对不起,或许失望难过但我绝对不是有心的。

致自己,
不管什么情况下,总要为自己着想。这社会太现实,你不为自己,谁为你? 别总爱浪费时间无所事事,别人在努力时,想想你在干什么。要超越别人,先学会改变自己。自己的事情自己决定,别人的话语永远只能是建议。



2017年12月10日星期日

好,我回来了。朋友都问我最近在忙什么,怎么可以更新少得那么夸张。好像也是,以前每一个社交软体都会疯狂更新,就是几天没post 东西就觉得好像少了些什么。我真的不懂那是什么想法。反而现在却很处于一种“我没更新但我给你一个赞一个评论当作冒个泡我还活着”。

现在在准备着下礼拜三音乐学会的Audition吧,因为明年情人节前一星期会有个Aureum Musicae 演唱会,Performance team 里有16个唱歌的表演者,但这次这个event 只能容得下15个slot. *其实当下有点想要直接说 sorry i cant make it 然后就不用去什么audition了。
你知道.. 哈哈哈哈哈哈 上上个星期是club registration week. 啊我就不小心的有小小表演。*叹长气* 才和吉他手配过2次 我不是职业歌手啊亲爱的 。大学处女秀好像就毁掉喽 我以为过去就算了结果有video真的是每年都要回首一次啊干

最近有点处于什么都没自信的状态。我不知道这到底是什么引起的,但是就会觉得自己什么都比别人差,一直在怀疑自己的价值。
‘ 我会的,别人也会;我强项的,别人更强;别人会的,我都不会。’
就这个概念在脑袋里转啊转就会慢慢觉得自己所做的一切好像都很浪费。

哎哟最近身体超差的 以为自己可以抓回跑步的节奏结果差点换不了气。这个学期的时间表我不知道为什么我可以排得那么干,一直在饿肚子呵呵哈哈哈妈的。身边的朋友不知道干嘛突然很有兴趣要运动,整个超积极的,有什么run都知道哈哈哈然后就被叫去一起参加一个Night Run. 可是在12月23号,那个星期可以回家啊有放假啊啊。我应该牺牲回家的机会还是陪朋友去跑哈哈哈哈妈的做人真难。

现在就真的剩下2年我就毕业啦。讲真过去的一年我不知道自己做什么。除了在学业上有不错的成就,应该就没有了吧哈哈哈哈*好像没有什么值得骄傲的 


2017年9月11日星期一

IT


It was an extra holiday for MMU-ian again, b'cause today is the convocation and almost all of the lecturer gonna attend to it. But idk why, my English lecturer posted in the group and mentioned that ALL CLASSES ON MONDAY CANCELLED. Damn so happy sial. Then end up still having 2 classes out of 4 classes today. woohoo but I'm lucky tho. The first and last class of the day were cancelled.  I can wake up late and back early. what a wonderful day.

But. too bad . having sore throat back again. I thought I'm already recover from it but with the 3 satay last night, nightmare back to me once again. I'm starving for delicious food so bad right now lol. I need spicy food, hot soup and crispy chicken. damn.

Btw, I watched IT last night .It is actually better than Annabelle does. But it is more likely teaching the public lesson but not scaring us lolol. This movie .... fck actually I'm quite afraid of clown, until I watch this movie in the front part, George was going out at late night and playing with Billy's paper boat. The boat fell into the drain and the fcking clown was down there. First it scared me, but then second thought was.. why the fck was the clown doing down there lol. Oh yeah. when George was trying to take the paper boat back, the fcking clown bit his arm. That was the moment I pretty sure I HATE CLOWNS *with sharp teeth.

Nahh. idk since when and why and how. I can overcome the fear after I watched horror movie. Before this, I can't really sleep well once I watched horror movie, and it can troubled me for a week. But now is like ... what's the story again? lol
And IT is trying to teach us to be brave and face what we always afraid of. Once you can overcome it, everything will be ok.

That's all. And I was wondering .. where the clown goes at last. meaning that, got part 2 is it . haha  

2017年8月20日星期日

Tough week. Midterm week.


I've been going through a tough week. It feels so bad, can't even get enough sleep. :(

Nahh just kidding.
Just few days of the week. But the arrangement of the midterm is killing me so bad. I have 3 papers of midterm straight away in two days. Oops, it should be "within 24 hours". I spent the whole day of Friday // from 7.30 am till night 8 pm to study the Financial Management 2 which I need to recall back all the shits of Financial Management 1 in the previous semester which I already threw it somewhere else but not my brain. After the FM2 exam, I sat inside the hall as usual bcause the rest were like a flock of sheep rushing to the grassland for dinner. Then classmates came to my area and the thing I don't wish to happen started. THEY TALKED ABOUT THE FCKING PAPER. God damn, can you guys move abit and let me leave? I realized how bad I did in the paper after listened what they said. I can't take that actually. I just acted bodoh and smiled.

While for the next day, wake up at 7 am and head to school again. I felt my eyes were burning that time b'cause keep staring at the laptop. Yeah I didn't print out my note HAHA. Waste paper leh.
Then I spent half day study for Marketing paper which exam at 2.45 pm and losing sight on the next paper at 5 pm . Yeap I didn't touch my Financial Market AT ALL. The 1hr 15mins gaps wasn't enough for that. But I felt glad that I did the note before this. Thanks to myself. Just has a little times to have a glimpse on those notes. Entering the exam hall with blank mind. No kidding.
The questions were easy I swear. I answered all of it based on my common knowledge, but for the calculation part... hehe bye.

Even I know I fucked up my finance subjects, but I feel relieve after those papers. But seems like still more to go. Assignment for Marketing, English and Financial Management 2. Lucky that I've met my group members up for discussion and came out some ideas for the assignment. But then I just realize we still have 2 weeks to done before the due date. While for the English and FM2 , we not even start a shit yet lol. Bagus lah .

oh ya 13/9 I'm having another Mathematic test.

Gonna work hard for final. I don't want to fail any of it. I mean ..I wanna get a better result
.

2017年5月18日星期四


时间怎么可以这么嚣张的快?!

我明明才刚为上个学期的大考失眠,现在又到了另个学期的大考。什么鬼。重点是,上课结束了? 什么时候的事? 怎么可以飘得那么轻盈。
又要开始那段每个早晨肚子绞痛、晚上很累、头脑很涨、带着超级无敌想睡觉的美好感觉躺在床上。结果一堆数目问题内容答案在脑里像跑马灯一样转啊转。然后就这样折磨几个小时到天亮去考试,这样折磨2星期。真心的累啊

这个学期是懒到一个点,颓废到不行,但我还是一样很靠北。因为上个学期的成绩出乎意料的不错*我他妈开心了整个星期*,所以这个学期就莫名冒上了一层压力。都是自己给予的。很多余 我也不想的。但当你看到你家人为了你成绩好而开心骄傲的样子 你还真的不忍心让成绩死得太难看。偏偏这个短学期自己就一直往家乡跑。几乎每个星期都有回去。还skip 了整个星期的课,我到底是在干什么,在家没碰过书,不对,应该说,想都没想过,似乎忘了自己还有在读书这回事。然后现在剩下不到10天的时间开始很紧张但身心就是不给力 完全没有想要拿起书本的动力。怎么会有那么懒得人我的天。

最近好像发生了好多好多事情,但一时也说不上来。答应自己的日记结果现在半年过去了。我想念那些有日记陪伴的生活。好像一个记忆卡,真的可以挖出你几乎忘掉的小细节,但想起之后却依然清晰可见。

不知道是不是年纪越来越大的时候*我知道我才21*但感觉月经期间,荷尔蒙失调得很严重,情绪颠倒得很夸张。小小的事可以难过的要命,也可以生气得飙汗,可以明明睡了好多个小时却还是好累。妈的无尾熊咩

哦对了我再次告别了长发。这次有点短,但我嫌它不够短。朋友都说我疯了,说我肥了,说我老了,说我矮了。你们是想怎样现在,说着说着很像妖怪叻干。总之是个不好打理的头发。不好打理的生活和人生lol

再多个星期就大考,之后的行程好像都满满的。希望一切不会落空就好,只是想要花多些时间在家人身上。

2017年1月22日星期日

The Chinese New Year


Almost there almost there.
Chinese New Year is almost there but majority of MMU-ian went back to their home town since last week. I was wondering why they took holiday that early. I prefer the afterward.
Everyone is complaining about the 5-days-holiday are simply not enough for them and how it gonna make others face difficulty during the long journey way back to their home town. They even come out with a petition about it. Really? haha
I mean. Just skip the class as you guys always did. No matter how long the holiday is, we will still ask for more (for sure) But obviously we will make it longer by ourselves la arrhh pandai pandai lo haha.
Actually I planned to skip two weeks since my attendance is still perfect HAHAHA. But then one of the subjects made the presentation on 6th February and I force to be here again before that. LOLOLOL. It's okay. Final soon. Sem break soon.

YA LOL SEM BREAK SOON.
I mean I'm just here. I know nothing about my semester then I realize it is almost the end of it. Time flies bruh. Tolong lah lecturer, don't be too strict on our assignment. I already throw all I know to you already. Give some marks we deserve(except for those fcking free riders) God damn.
I was planning to go KL for celebrated my birthday with my sister but then the before-cny-sick spoiled it. Good la good la think positive can save money some more. But I'm getting better now. Will be back on night of 26th.
Oh right .. I can't attend to the reunion dinner with dearest XueJi. The timing is so wrong! Some of my friends are going to another place on the day I'm going back PRECISELY. Hope we can meet up very soon.

Happy Chinese New Year. I'm coming home <3

2017年1月9日星期一

Examination vs Class Lesson

Well. I just finished both of my midterm test Macroeconomic and the Statistic. I was surprised that I manage to answer almost every question of Statistic but not Macro. Macro used to be my favourite subject since Form 6. Just I'm facing some language problems coz I used to studied in BM during STPM but it is English now. It is not easy to translate that. and..

WHO THE HECK SAID FORM SIX IS MUCH MORE HARDER THAN DEGREE DO. HAR COME HERE I WANT TO SEE YOU.

The questions were so KBAT. And I cant even think proper in the limited time. Too many question and too many marks in it. So stress that I need to spend time to analyse the question and the time was bothering me so much lol.  The questions in the test is so much different with the exercise we did in tutorial and so not related with what we learnt in class . lol. ok I shouldn't expect that much tho.

Okay then. hmm
Two more to go on next week. Good Luck.

2017年1月1日星期日

Keep it up in 2017


When others are nagging about how their year has wasted and ruined, I know I'm the lucky one.
2016 was a fulfilling year of mine. I hit my target. I gained what I want, got what I wished for..
I feel so glad that I've grow up. Wouldn't be that childish anymore. I was an extremely negative person in the past few years. What I learnt from those years was - Nothing help but only make things worse.
Never afraid of trying.
You only live once. Live fully die happy.

Do something that your future self will thank you for.

KEEP IT UP in 2017. Hold what you believe and the value in you.
I think I'm doing great in last year and gonna bring all the positive thoughts to a new year and make me become even better.
Don't change because a new year is coming up but change for your own personal growth no matter what resolutions you make, they start with you.


2016年12月10日星期六

Home sweet home :)


I'm home again after a month. Drive for 4.5 hours wasn't that tiring tho. I planned to come back on Thursday after the last class at 3pm but then there was a replacement on Friday morning. Good la lecturer, you memang baik hati. Wasted a day.

I miss #thelittlezombiecat more than I should lol. My eyes blurred up with tears whenever I watch the video during the time I was about to leave, it laid on the floor and don't wanna to get up, the face sibeh emo than usual. My heart breaks a little </3

BUT THEN when I arrived home this afternoon. I was so excited to see her and can't wait to gift her the things I bought for her. Then end up with , SHE FORGET WHO TF I AM! no la just kidding. Just a little of confuse and face sibeh emo again show up like : " wow hooman, where the hell you've been these days? I damn boring every day and all I can do is only sleep and eat and repeat it all over again. You better feed me and pet me now idiot hooman."

它的眼神有个说不完的千言万语。

After a half an hour of confusion, then she started to stick with me again aww <3
I just bought a damn cute shirt for her. OIYIOR damn suitable for her goddamit. Too cute with it argh . I did buy her gloves too haha ! But she kicked it away. Will buy a red shirt for her during CNY lol.




Then I fall asleep at 6pm++ I think and woke up at 10pm pandai tido-.- Im so dead and it is 1.30am right now lol.
Should make it a movie night tonight. Hmm //

2016年12月5日星期一

Thunder-rain night

I was about to sleep but it was raining heavily outside. Lightning thunder all way round. Running here and there took these as their playground.
 
Morning class on tomorrow and I hope I'm able to wake up. Just stucked for my Statistic tutorial exercises for hour and I felt so dumb about it. My brain can't work when it touched numbers. But then I feel so proud of my brain. I absorb something and I can do it like finally damn ~

I went to H&M today and it was having SALES right now. Just bought a clothes from there which I failed to buy it last time as it is too expensive for me :( but then finally ! This is faith tho HAHAHAHA  The clothe is thick enough la for me to stay in aircon places for hourssss . 

Argh . My life is full with excitement and surprises 😌😌

Well the rain gets lighter and it's time to call it a day. G'Night world.

2016年11月28日星期一

Malacca

Finally I chose MMU in Malacca.
After so long of the time, I can't even make a decision for my further study. I was waiting for the government University offer letter BUT end up failure for 2 times I was like. omg is my result that bad? Then lastly I was offered to the UMK. And guess what I not going there. First is because I am really afraid of the flood disaster. I don't want to get through it again in my life *especially during Uni life. I read a news before about students from UMK walking out in line from the University for surviving from flood. Besides of that, I always wanted head to city (but not that city area)lol
So Malacca is definitely one of the best choice tho.

My life is pretty good so far. * It is only the beginning of week 3. I am surviving very well here. Keep meeting friends here and these make me lack of the study mood lol. Still staying in the holidays mode as well. Kok and Jonson just back from here too. I miss them so much. I started counting down for the farewell before they arrived here lol But we did have lots of fun. ARGHHH. Good luck to both of you. Finish up the assignment and get prepare for your examination. *dont ponteng liao please






My room is pretty nice, neat and clean here. I like it so much b'cause I own a very big window here and outside of it is fully green plants, trees and flowers. Fresh and cold air here.
Luckily I didn't fall into homesick that much as I try to spend my free times in the library and tired up myself. So all I wanna do when I enter my room is SLEEP. I'm very proud to say that I'm so hardworking on doing house chore lol haha Mop the freaking floor everyday. I was wondering why my hair fall down like the falling leaves from tree damn if my hair constantly falling down like this for years, surely be botak soon.By the way, the sound insulation of my rent house is SUCK x 100000000. I turn on a video with only 30% volume and I can hear it from downstairs-.- So scary. Can't even touch my guitar, causes earthquake later lol. The only entertaiment of mine ... Why you deprive it from me. So mean .


2016年10月24日星期一

The worst type of crying

Do we ever think about what's the worst type of crying . 
Yeap the silence cry. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat. Then your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just feel like want to scream. The one that you have to hold your breathe and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can't breathe anymore.

People often do not know the silent tears that we cried.  They think we’re ok when we’re really crying and hurting deeply.

We don’t want to appear weak and thereby be avoided by other peole. We don’t want to add burden or worry to those who love us. We know we would not be understood anyways and crying will only complicate things.

It would have been a lot easier to cry with people who can support you.  It would have been easier if everybody knew what you’re going through.

But when you cry in silence, you’re all alone in your tears.  People may even judge you because they don’t understand that you’re already trying the best you could.

In some instances, you may even have tried to tell people how you’re already hurting, but they don’t believe you or they refuse to believe you.  They may think you’re merely trying to seek attention or that you’re just seeking an excuse from doing something they expected you to do.


2016年9月17日星期六

The little zombie cat

The second post of mine in 2016. Well done! 👏👏
Half way to the end of the year. Time flies and I feel so glad that I spent my time worthful. I learnt, I travelled, I worked.
After working I was like, YIOR damn I don't feel like wanna study. I'm so lazy to work for it. 

B'cause for the past half year, I worked as a teacher at my primary school. I had lots of fun there. Was confusing that I teached or played with them more HAHAH. I received whole table of presentssss on the Teacher's Day. And I made a wonderful conclusion 
"If you wanna be a temporary teacher, pandai pandai choose the so called season. Choose the Teacher's Day period. Then you will know the love of student."

Then the weather these days really suck. Keep raining. Lighting + thunder + big rain + strong wind = FLOOD
Almost rain every night. Don't flood that early can? It's only September ar DaiLou.

Yesterday I woke up and found a cat hiding at the outside of my house. When I went near I saw her left eyes was blind with a scar on it. Seems like it left when having a fight or got torture by human. 


The eye really looks like the zombie. Coz I  just finish the Train To Busan movie and it scared me so much Coz the movie quite appropriate with our life. Various viruses everywhere. Zika the newest virus spreaded by mosquitoe. So ma fan need beware all the time. Oh Yeah the cat called the little zombie cat.

2016年1月1日星期五

New Year Post

Okay well first of all happy new year! Welcome to 2016 lol

I forgot I have a date with cousin for having a dinner at Kuantan and this ruined my count down plan. Totally ruin thanks lol By the way, I checked my car before depart then I found there's some problem in the engine coolant. Damn the water flow out when I add water. But it wasn't a big deal so I just ignore it. But will send it to garage soon. Hope it doesn't matter.

Well it was a great night spent with them. And finally have the chance to take a photo with my eldest cousin Biao Ge! He is older than me for 45 years. Well actually he is older than my dad too lol kinda weird but cool.
He is kind and looks abit like a rabbit.
Feeling special when the youngest and eldest of second generation of Tan's family meet up and show up such a big distance in age.


After dinner I tried my very best to rush back to my hometown for friend's gathering count down but still can't make it. I stuck inside the traffic jam and guess what welcoming the new year inside the car with mum. Okay first try have to be proud of it coz not everyone can experience it z 


Kinda disappointed. 
Well good luck in new year everyone. Look forward in the whole new year even it was a mess in the past year. XOXO

2015年11月8日星期日

被偷走的那5年





几天前去要看 我的少女时代 结果给我满座。上映那么久了还是要给我满座 人类们能不能看一轮就让我们这些在繁忙日子中抽出时间的人看看戏 让让位子呢 好心人啊

结果为了弥补想看戏的心灵受创 在家里对着电脑看了一部 “被偷走的那5年”。之前有听闻朋友稍微说过但是也是因为忙所以都没来得及去看。但是 看了之后变成泪人。

它是述说着一位已离婚的人妻,在一场车祸中丧失了5年的记忆,入院醒后的那刻只记得新婚后的蜜月期。之后所发生的不愉快都被抹去了。**这时医生都会说被忘记的那5年是主角最不快乐最想遗忘的日子。

很难接受吧一觉醒来之后什么都变了,自己的另一半也有了新的另一半。房子也变得空荡荡。全部之前的甜蜜回忆 照片纪念品都被一扫而空。她说因为之前吵的太大 都把所有东西丢了。

一步一脚印慢慢的去寻找不见的影子。找了她的前夫,发现他家里所摆的物品都和她有关,发现他有了新女友,但硬要待在他家因为觉得分开是不可能的事,期间也发生很多有趣的事情;找了她的闺蜜,才发现意外前因为自己的疑心疑鬼误会了前夫和闺蜜的关系而闹翻了;找了她的心理医生,才发现自己跟对方有不寻常关系,恨自己到入骨。这感觉像什么?就像现在此时此刻突然看见你未来所犯下的错误对身边所爱的人造成了极大伤害,却永远弥补不了 改变不了。

”很多事情都想不通,想不通为什么一睁开眼睛,你就不是我的了。“


之后我不明白和前妻在回一起,然后被默默忽略掉的新女友就这样消失 一点交代都没有 真奇怪哈哈 之后后续更离奇,女主角被发现容易遗忘事情,医生诊断她得了脑部萎缩,还说不做手术就很快的忘记所有事情,但是如果做手术却只有2成存活的机会。
结果女主角背着前夫偷偷的去做了手术,我还以为要就活了下来啊不就很感伤的电影就死掉算了。结果她给我颈部以下所有部位瘫痪... (我可以笑吗 为什么你的人生那么悲惨,编辑的你为什么如此悲观 )

只是最后一幕 真的碎了。在关上呼吸仪器时,抱着她 说  不怕 不怕..



”我不怕死,我怕的是你得不到幸福“

”如果有一天我将要离开这个世界,我希望最后的归宿是在你的怀里“